not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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