can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
