i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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