That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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