My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
