3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Your mouth is God's brothel.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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