We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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