one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
