I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
