How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
