...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
