The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
