I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
