why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
