Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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