I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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