I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
