I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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