I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
