I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
