If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
