and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
