actually, I'm a sock model
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hippo gnu deer
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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