Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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