I heard we made out
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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