I love black thongs
I just made out with a guy for $7.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
