i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
