Life is so much better after having sex.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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