Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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