K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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