so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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