so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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