I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
