I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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