I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
All I want is dick and wine.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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