Just fell off a train. Bad.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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