Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
its not stalking. its research.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
