Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
