I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well I just put wine in my tea
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
