i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
