apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
