he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
