I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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