he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
