My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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