Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
