I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
