textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
