sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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