im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
