there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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