I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
