im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize