dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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