I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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