I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
