i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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