I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
they need to just BURY HIM!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
