I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
