While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
