She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
