Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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