oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
