he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
