I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
