wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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