Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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