I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
