Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
