I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
