your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
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It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
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Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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