I'm laying in your front yard are you home
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize