just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
