Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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