Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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