Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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