I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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